3rd Day of Kindergarten-Tears

Today, I was able to walk Tommy up to school. It was a beautiful, sunny morning, and I was eager to see him in action. However, it was like pulling a sack of flour on the way up. He was clearly dragging this morning, and when we entered the school yard, his eyes were full of tears and he was pulling on me..backwards. "I'm scared, Mama," he said. I pulled out all the encouragement I could possibly think of as we slowly made our way towards the building. It was so hard. By the time we lined up with his other classmates, he was trying to hide between my legs and was clutching at my legs. He was fighting tears too hard, and it was crushing me. "Let's just go back home," he said, tears brimming. Ms. Hubner saw it all, and was quick to come over to him and take his hand. I hugged him goodbye, then peeled him off, allowing Ms. Hubner to take over and draw him in. He didn't look back, and for that I am thankful. I turned, and I could barely breathe. I just wanted to go get him, to take him with me, to hold him and never let him go. I started walking, fighting tears, trying to breathe, praying that no mother or teacher would see me almost losing it. Deep breaths as I headed outside. I was instantly aware of the moment my own mother took me to school for the first time. I knew what she felt, that heartbreaking moment when you have to leave your child behind, crying, at school, hoping for the best, hoping that he would be able to recover.
Oh, and I had my work clothes on and had to go to work...lovely.

Report from him at pick up was that he had a great day. Jenny reported in that the kids said they saw him throughout the morning and he looked happy and was smiling. I have my spies, Tommy. As you get older, don't forget that, buddy! He told me himself that he didn't get the corndog he was looking forward to for lunch. Drat those first and second graders!

Tonight at tuck in her said, "Mom, I miss Teacher Kathy." I know buddy. We all miss Teacher Kathy. I realize he had no idea what was coming his way. He didn't realize what changes were about to take place in his life, the differences, the "big" stuff of elementary school. I imagine he's overwhelmed, more than we thought. Teacher Kathy assessed him as a "shy, serious, quiet boy". We don't know that Thomas, but that Thomas must be trying to process all that is around him right now, and I pray for his little spirit in the days to come.